I am looking forward to leaving 2014 behind. Despite knowing that a year is a constructed timeline, that between December and January there really is no finality and no beginning. That it is a continuous thread as the clock rolls over the hour. But being able to look ahead on a year and look back on one that I will not have to do again is enough for me.
2014 was a year of personal loss. I wouldn’t do it justice without reflecting on the positives, some great surprises and humble acknowledgements, all of which I am so grateful for. But overall 2014 will be best left behind.
It’s included a lot of heart ache, a lot of tears, a lot of loss. Too many goodbyes. Some of them expected, some of them not, some of them abruptly, others still slowly slipping away. I have accumulated quite the collection of sad songs. My work is moodier, darker, colder. I miss phone calls, I miss texts, I miss hearing my father’s voice and opinion, and my dog’s grumblings.
I try to convince myself that loss makes me a better person. That by experiencing it, questioning it, working through it, that I will better be able to treasure the people and important characters that I am surrounded by. That I will be more grateful, take life a bit more slowly, enjoy the simplicities and just live. But I can’t help but wish that I could do the very same without the pain of the other bit. Because it’s not the least bit enjoyable.
So to looking forward. Because looking back isn’t much fun. 2015. A year where I will marry a person who can finish my sentences. Who can tell by my voice what I am really thinking, despite me saying the exact opposite. A person who makes me laugh when it seems impossible. In 2015 I will work more on refining my work. I will better myself. I will explore more. I will travel. I will drive on new roads, hike new paths, and see new things. I will handwrite letters.
I will make the best of the year given to me.